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Considering proposing to my girlfriend, seeking advice
- Thread starter RGGTI41510
- Start date
Bender1
Banned
- Location
- Doylestown, PA
Makes sense. Buy something antique and inexpensive.
I would wait. After you get engaged, then comes wedding planning. That is CRAZY, OUTRAGEOUSLY, UNREASONABLY, INSANELY, STUPIDLY, expensive.... I would buy a promise ring of some sort to let her know. Hell, you should openly discuss it. Lay it out on the table so she doesn't think you're just stringing her along (although I'm sure she knows you're not).
PetrolHead
When's the next track day
- Location
- Motor City
- Car(s)
- MKVI GTI
That would have been awesome. I have also conditioned myself to expect words that start with the letter "p" and have another P somewhere after to be the word "poop" or "pooping". This place does that to you.
if you can make it to socal, my brother and dad can hook you up on a ring(custom made or premade).
and you wont be paying kay jewelers prices... you might be paying half maybe even a third of it, if not less.
we can show you the different diamonds and quality in comparison next to each other and etc and try to get you fitted with something in your price range
this is assuming you go through with the wedding.
i personally think you should be able to pay for a wedding within a year of getting engaged.
hold it off until you have a steady job.
and you wont be paying kay jewelers prices... you might be paying half maybe even a third of it, if not less.
we can show you the different diamonds and quality in comparison next to each other and etc and try to get you fitted with something in your price range
this is assuming you go through with the wedding.
i personally think you should be able to pay for a wedding within a year of getting engaged.
hold it off until you have a steady job.
Last edited:
forwardlean
Go Kart Champion
- Location
- Toronto
Do it right, or don't do it at all. Buy a ring you can afford.
As logical as the advice is in here, there are some things that require less spreadsheet logic.
As logical as the advice is in here, there are some things that require less spreadsheet logic.
McQueen77
Banned
- Location
- Not Kentucky
I would hold off man. Get it together, find a job etc. Your condition is that bad that you literally cannot work? Sciatica is legit, but still man.. 2 years w/out a job and you mentioned that you like to get loaded, go to raves, hang out etc. People are right, the diamond thing is a racket but that said, if you buy your girl a pinner little rock it'll be a bummer. There are ways to get a good rock and setting that meet the high end of the C's w/out breaking the bank. Source out your local jewelry district, wholesale jewelry part of town and go haggle with some Arabs all afternoon. Let her pick it out. Don't be a schmuck and think you know what she likes because she doesn't. Set a budget and go shopping together. If you go to Zale's or some place like that you are buying an already horribly inflated product at a massive markup. Shop smart and you'll get a good stone and setting that she loves with all the papers and certifications, you insure it via renter's insurance for the value and call it a day. Don't go to crazy on a wedding either as that is an even more massive waste of money.
But for now, I'd get back to work, save some money and hold off. Being engaged for a long time is just weird. Get engaged, set a date, get it done and move on.
But for now, I'd get back to work, save some money and hold off. Being engaged for a long time is just weird. Get engaged, set a date, get it done and move on.
I will say that I am a woman that isn't hung up on the size of the ring. But I also don't want a giant ring. I never have. Something, small (1/2 carat), a few C's and I'm good to go. It's not the ring that makes me marriage. The ring is just a symbol TO SHOW THE WORLD. And if that's what your girl is hung up on, she's in it for the wrong reasons.
I understand that she worked at a jewelry store. But if I worked at a BMW dealer, I don't expect my man to shell out for a Gran Coupe. Be smart. Don't propose and then have a 3 year engagement. If you can't afford a ring and a wedding (if you guys are going to have to foot the bill), don't.
But at the same time, I would have a talk with her. Explain to her that you want to spend the rest of your life with her but when you tell her and show her (by way of ring and wedding), that you want it to be perfect. That you want it to be everything she wants and you don't want to compromise.
Or (and I know most of you will say this is a little ridiculous), but buy her a promise ring of sorts. I know you're not in high school but this is a way to tell her that you're serious. That you really want to make her yours, but want to do it when she can have everything she wants.
BUT (and this is the only thing I will ask about your financial issue) is if there is a chance that you will have a job in the next few years? If not, this changes things. If so, you can wait. But it sounds like your Sciatica is serious so if you won't be able to work for years and years and she is going to have to support you, that's a whole separate conversation I think the two of you should have.
Just my womanly opinions.
I understand that she worked at a jewelry store. But if I worked at a BMW dealer, I don't expect my man to shell out for a Gran Coupe. Be smart. Don't propose and then have a 3 year engagement. If you can't afford a ring and a wedding (if you guys are going to have to foot the bill), don't.
But at the same time, I would have a talk with her. Explain to her that you want to spend the rest of your life with her but when you tell her and show her (by way of ring and wedding), that you want it to be perfect. That you want it to be everything she wants and you don't want to compromise.
Or (and I know most of you will say this is a little ridiculous), but buy her a promise ring of sorts. I know you're not in high school but this is a way to tell her that you're serious. That you really want to make her yours, but want to do it when she can have everything she wants.
BUT (and this is the only thing I will ask about your financial issue) is if there is a chance that you will have a job in the next few years? If not, this changes things. If so, you can wait. But it sounds like your Sciatica is serious so if you won't be able to work for years and years and she is going to have to support you, that's a whole separate conversation I think the two of you should have.
Just my womanly opinions.
RGGTI41510
Ready to race!
- Location
- Oakland, bitch!
I've been busy all damn day putting together presentations and studying for a couple finals next week so I haven't had much time to thoroughly read everyone's replies.
But I just wanna clarify I don't get loaded or party. I meant that when I was a kid, from high school to early twenties, that's when I did a lot of partying. I go to class and that's pretty much all I do. Which is ok with me. I'm thankful that I can actually leave the house and have the opportunity to focus on my education. Initially after my surgery I had to wear a back brace and spend most of my day in bed.
And as far as going back to work, I can not for a couple reasons; doctor says I can't list more than ten pounds or bend over, twist etc. I'm a mess. I had an operation to my lumbar spine that has like 20 syllables in title. I'm doped up on norco and some muscle relaxers to control cramps and spasms.
I've been working blue collar BS jobs since high school and have no formal training, so there isn't anything I can do that will pay me the same wage I made before my injury. The only option I have is to continue my education and get into a nice white collar STEM related field. I'm kicking ass in all my classes so I might as well proceed.
I'm appreciating all the advice. I'll read them all more thoroughly and reply to them tomorrow.
But I just wanna clarify I don't get loaded or party. I meant that when I was a kid, from high school to early twenties, that's when I did a lot of partying. I go to class and that's pretty much all I do. Which is ok with me. I'm thankful that I can actually leave the house and have the opportunity to focus on my education. Initially after my surgery I had to wear a back brace and spend most of my day in bed.
And as far as going back to work, I can not for a couple reasons; doctor says I can't list more than ten pounds or bend over, twist etc. I'm a mess. I had an operation to my lumbar spine that has like 20 syllables in title. I'm doped up on norco and some muscle relaxers to control cramps and spasms.
I've been working blue collar BS jobs since high school and have no formal training, so there isn't anything I can do that will pay me the same wage I made before my injury. The only option I have is to continue my education and get into a nice white collar STEM related field. I'm kicking ass in all my classes so I might as well proceed.
I'm appreciating all the advice. I'll read them all more thoroughly and reply to them tomorrow.
rs999
Go Kart Champion
- Location
- Chesapeake, VA
Why propose instead of just getting married? You, her, city marriage license, and a pair of rings is cheaper than an engagement ring and a large wedding ceremony.
85RedGolf2.5
Go Kart Champion
- Location
- Nopeville, USA
Pawn shops are good places to start for some antique stuff that is pretty cheap. I was going to get my wife a 3C Diamond from a local pawn shop, and even had a friend of my friend who is a diamond cutter come and certify it was real, which it was. I was about to buy it when my wife (then GF) happened to walk in looking for a birthday present for me. She caught me and said, Too Big, nice idea, but Too big. It was going to be only 2500 bucks. She then picked out a tristone simplistic one from Kay for a grand which she likes a whole lot better. But the one at the pawn shop had markings inside the band that certified it to be from the early/mid 1900s.
85RedGolf2.5
Go Kart Champion
- Location
- Nopeville, USA
So Much win in this statement right there! My wife and I almost did that until MY family found out and paid for the entire wedding. Her parents were too poor, and her aunt and uncle (who pretty much raised her) were to rich to pay for a pauper's wedding.
rs999
Go Kart Champion
- Location
- Chesapeake, VA
My parents did this. Since my dad's business was still getting off the ground and he didn't have much money he just married my mom with a justice of the peace.
When his mom found out they were married already, my grandma said she wanted a real wedding and ended up paying for them to have a real big church ceremony with both families.
Though this may sound like a great option, most women are more romantic than this. Personally, an engagement only serves two purposes: to have time to plan a wedding (which is a big one for girls), and in the mean time, to make your intentions known that you're committed to that other person for the long haul.
Weddings and engagements aren't typically for the guy. They're for the girl so don't ruin the dreams she's had since she was a little girl just because you're too lazy or don't want to put in the extra effort and/or cash to do so.
And engagement is still an important part of the process. Don't skip it.