Most of you have probably read this already as its doing the rounds on email, but this one made me laugh so hard I started crying therefore I thought I should post it here. Make sure you read the other judges comment first.
Judge # 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry
Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions
to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other
two judges that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they
told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the Judges scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge # 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) - Holy cow, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope thats the worst one. These Indians are crazy.
CURRY # 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge # 2 - exciting bbq flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 - Keep this out of reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.
CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE"
Judge # 1 - Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 - A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge # 3 - Phone the doctor. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
feels like I have been snorting drain cleaner. Everyone knows the
routine by now. get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me
on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm
getting drunk from all the beer.
CURRY # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...
Judge # 1 - Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 - Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge # 3 - I felt something scraping accross my tounge, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the
barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 120kg woman is
startin to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is
chilli an aphrodisiac?
CURRY # 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 - Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 - Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the
chilli peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. the contestant seemed offended when I told her that the
chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tounge from bleeding
by pouring beer directly on it. I wonder if i'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming. Screw them!
CURRY # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulphuric flames. I am definately going to shit myself if I fart and
I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to
stand behind me except that Shareen. Cant feel my lips anymore. I need
to wipe my bum with an ice cream cone.
CURRY # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TOUNGE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 - A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 - Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chilli peppers at the last moment. ( I should take note at this stage
that I am worried about Judge # 3. he appears to be in a bit of
distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing - its too painful. Screw it: I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the hole
in my stomach.
CURRY # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
Judge # 1 - The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 - This final entry is a good, balance curry. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report.
Judge # 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry
Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions
to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other
two judges that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they
told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the Judges scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge # 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) - Holy cow, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope thats the worst one. These Indians are crazy.
CURRY # 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge # 2 - exciting bbq flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 - Keep this out of reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.
CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE"
Judge # 1 - Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 - A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge # 3 - Phone the doctor. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
feels like I have been snorting drain cleaner. Everyone knows the
routine by now. get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me
on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm
getting drunk from all the beer.
CURRY # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...
Judge # 1 - Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 - Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge # 3 - I felt something scraping accross my tounge, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the
barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 120kg woman is
startin to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is
chilli an aphrodisiac?
CURRY # 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 - Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 - Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the
chilli peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. the contestant seemed offended when I told her that the
chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tounge from bleeding
by pouring beer directly on it. I wonder if i'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming. Screw them!
CURRY # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulphuric flames. I am definately going to shit myself if I fart and
I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to
stand behind me except that Shareen. Cant feel my lips anymore. I need
to wipe my bum with an ice cream cone.
CURRY # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TOUNGE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 - A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 - Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chilli peppers at the last moment. ( I should take note at this stage
that I am worried about Judge # 3. he appears to be in a bit of
distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing - its too painful. Screw it: I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the hole
in my stomach.
CURRY # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
Judge # 1 - The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 - This final entry is a good, balance curry. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report.
