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Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad joke thread

-Dutch-

Go Kart Champion
Location
RI
Why did the blind guy fall into the well?

He didn't see that well.
 

Diggs24

Autocross Champion
Location
de plains! de plains!
Car(s)
2015 GTI; 2003 Saab
What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?

One's a snack cracker and the other's a crack snacker.



I'll see myself out.....
 

JerseyDrew77

Autocross Newbie
Location
Virginia & NC
What do you call that useless piece of skin around the vagina?




A woman.
 

Sumfuncomet

Go Kart Newbie
What’s an alcoholics least favorite inning in base ball?

Bottom of the fifth!
 

toothofwar

Go Kart Newbie
Location
KY
Car(s)
2015 gti s
A man was ready to retire and decided he would move to Mexico. While walking down the road he ran across a little stand selling chickens.
Man "How much for one of those chickens?"

Salesman "10 pesos. But this is a Male chicken, so we call them cocks around here"

So the man purchased one and went on his way. A little while later, he came across another stand, this one had some small, beautiful chickens. So he stopped in and talked with the salesman.

Man " how much for your little chicken?"

Salesman " 10 pesos, and these little female chickens are called pullits. "

So the man purchased one and was on his way. After a while the man was getting tired of walking. He looked up and saw a stand with a man selling donkeys. So he stopped in and talked to the salesman.

Man " How much for one of your donkeys? My poor legs are getting tired from walking so much."

Salesman " 100 pesos, but around here we dont call them donkeys, we call them asses. The only one I have left for sale is a good ass. Will walk for days packing anything you want. The only problem is when he sees water he stops dead in his tracks. You have to smack him several times on the rear to get him to move again"

So off the guy went riding down the street. Sure enough, they ran into a little stream and the donkey stopped. The man had a chicken under each arm, so he could not smack the donkey. Off in the distance a beautiful senorita came walking up the man rushed up to her and asked.....

" Mam, can you hold my cock and pullit while I smack my ass?!?!?"

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G891A using Tapatalk
 

frailingbanjo

Passed Driver's Ed
Location
Vilas NC
Car(s)
2016 GTI SE 6MT
How many old English sheep dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Lightbulb? I don't see a lightbulb

Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk
 

tknj99

Ready to race!
Location
Central VA
I went to a seafood disco the other night..... and pulled a mussel

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: I went out to a restaurant and had goat meat for the first time

You: oh yea? how was it

Me: not baaaaaad
 

THEREALVRT

Drag Race Newbie
Location
The great white north
Car(s)
Golf R
a guys walks into bar with a bag, he puts the bag on the bar and takes out a small piano and a 1ft tall guy. the guy starts playiing the piano
the bartender asks where he got the little guy. "from the genie in the bottle" he says and pulls out a genies latern out of the bag.
The bartender asks if he can rub the lamp and make a wish and the guy agrees.
the bartender rubs the lamp and all of a sudden the bar fills up with a million ducks..
The bartender asks whats up with that. " i wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks" he says
The guy responds , " Do you think i wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
 

anotero

Autocross Newbie
Location
SoCal
a guys walks into bar with a bag, he puts the bag on the bar and takes out a small piano and a 1ft tall guy. the guy starts playiing the piano
the bartender asks where he got the little guy. "from the genie in the bottle" he says and pulls out a genies latern out of the bag.
The bartender asks if he can rub the lamp and make a wish and the guy agrees.
the bartender rubs the lamp and all of a sudden the bar fills up with a million ducks..
The bartender asks whats up with that. " i wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks" he says
The guy responds , " Do you think i wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
Laughed out loud.
 

IES99

Ready to race!
Location
SC Sea Islands
Car(s)
2017 GTI S
Two men sit drinking in the bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:
"You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender overhears this, and just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping down the bar.
The second man says: "What are you, a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
The first man says: "No, it's true, let me prove it to you."
He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens toward the street below.
When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window, where he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The second man tells him: "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one-time fluke."
The first man says: "No, it isn't. I'll prove it again." And again, he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.
Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
The second man says: "Well, what the hell, it works, I'll try it."
He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th floor, 10th floor, 9th floor ... and hits the sidewalk with a splat.
Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker and says:
"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
 
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