I think you are getting a bit carried away there, surely!!!
No, I'm not kidding. Smaller car = more fun to drive. As to the comments about it being underpowered, the Abarth has almost the same power to weight ratio as the GTI (I just calculated that both are about 16 lbs per hp). And that's just for the existing Abarth sold elsewhere. There's a good amount of information that a U.S. version of the Abarth would receive a power bump, probably putting it ahead of the GTI in terms of power to weight.
Anyways, most people know that with small cars like the Abarth, it's not about straight line performance. As for reviews about handling not being so great, I'll wait for the U.S. version reviews to see about that. A pretty much universal theme with cars is that smaller cars handle better. It might not be getting glowing handling reviews because of a mushy suspension, something that could easily be fixed by tightening up the U.S. version. I fully expect go kart like handling from a car that is almost Lotus light.